Top Redneck Moments of 2017

Top Redneck Moments of 2017 at The House That Never Slumbers –

The years go by, and life changes. Circumstances change. Jobs change. Kids get older. Adults get older. People move in and out of our lives. Before you know it, you look out the window and realize the place that used to be the goat pasture is now a thicket again, but some things never change. There are certain constants in life, and one of those is that the residents of The House That Never Slumbers will always be a bunch of rowdy rednecks.

The year 2017 was full of many big moments here – the deaths of both my paternal grandparents, my oldest daughter’s wedding while she was still in high school, the passing of my mother-in-law, the high school graduation of the before-mentioned oldest daughter. We’ve mostly covered all of those big moments here already, so to start 2018, I thought it might be fun to cover a compilation of something on the lighter side.

Who was supposed to be supervising these kids?

June of 2017 in Indiana was marked by an unusually high amount of rain in a relatively short amount of time. This caused flooding all around us a few different times. The creek that runs through the thicket behind our house became angry and ended up in our backyard and across the road in our neighbors’ side yard.

We had no way to bring the pigs to higher ground, but they were swimming happily like it was some kind of beach vacation for them. Rifleman Dad was at the office with no way to get home until some of the flooding on the roads subsided. If the water had gotten any higher and allowed the pigs to swim over the top of the fence, I had instructions to get one of the handguns and put them down, so we could butcher them that evening. Yeah, taking the whole evening to butcher was exactly what we needed to be doing when we had so much other stuff to clean up. Fortunately, the pigs were fine and completely unphased by this little adventure.

The water level continued to rise. Water rushed into the basement walkout which has only happened one other time since we’ve had this house, and that was when the basement was mostly bare concrete. It continued to rain for hours. Water began seeping up through the basement floor. Apparently, the water level was just that high. The neighbors’ hay field across the road became a lake. The water was so strong that it carried some of those large round bales over the road.

Redneck Yacht Club

What would any reasonable family do as water is covering every square inch of their basement, and it’s still raining? Get the kayaks! My daughter and son-in-law had purchased kayaks with cash gifts from their wedding. They and my son put them to good use in the neighbors’ side yard because you might as well have some fun in the midst of that mess.

Redneck Hot Tub

My son-in-law decided the tractor tire would make a nice “hot tub.”

He did wear this to the Prom, so his fancy “hot tub” was to be expected. Apparently, when you’re already married before the Prom, you don’t have to impress your date with fashionable attire. I’m just kidding. It was cute, except the work boots that I threatened to crop out of every picture.

He was probably swimming in raw sewage since the septic from some of the older houses on our road probably still empties into the creek. No big deal. We played in that creek every day when I was a kid back when all the septic tanks emptied into the creek. I’m sure these kids will be fine.

We were actually very fortunate.

We did have to clean the basement floors later. We had tried to use towels and blankets to keep the water from reaching the carpeted areas. That turned out to be a big mistake because then we had to do loads and loads of laundry besides cleaning all the floors which still ended up under water anyway.

With all of us running multiple Shop Vacs and two carpet cleaners, we were able to get the floors dry before any serious, permanent damage. I use my carpet shampooer on all the basement flooring – carpet, laminate, and concrete. It works great on each. I just use regular laundry detergent instead of the expensive carpet solution they recommend. It leaves the floors smelling really fresh and clean. This is the newest one I own.

Our basement only flooded one time last summer. Some of our neighbors’ basements flooded 3-4 times. Just as they would finish cleaning from one rain, it would flood again. It was disheartening to have to clean everything just the one time, so I know that had to be horrible for them. We were definitely thankful that the permanent damage was very minimal for us.

See. You can’t even tell the newlyweds’ room was underwater a few hours earlier.

Redneck Country Club

Because the water table was so high already, each subsequent rain throughout the summer left water in our backyard. One day in July, I left my house early in the morning to take my mom for her cardiac ablation. The newlyweds were in charge of the other kids which included my nephew because my sister was also at the hospital with me. I was only gone for 6-8 hours. I came home to this.

That’s not even our couch. They took it from beside a dumpster. It had been put out for trash pick-up, so my son-in-law helped himself to it, and then used bungee cords to attach it to the gator. That’s not even our gator either. That gator belongs to my parents, but you know, they were at the hospital, so the gator was fair game for the day.

Modern Day Beverly Hillbillies

Rednecks and fire go together like . . .

About half the redneck happenings at The House That Never Slumbers involve water, and the other half involve fire. These kids really like fire. They burn something almost daily. The couch from the gator sat in my parents’ garage for several months before it eventually became a bonfire.

Just the other night my son was lighting a cardboard box leftover from Christmas while standing on the deck. My husband somehow didn’t realize our son and son-in-law light items on the deck all the time, so he made my son take the flaming box to the burn pile, even though he was only wearing sandals and had to run through the snow. His feet were cold after that, so my son-in-law had a lighter trying to light my son’s heels while he was sitting on the couch. Fortunately, his heels did not catch on fire, so my husband didn’t have to make anyone carry our son to the burn pile.

Don’t try this at home!

The day my daughter and son-in-law finished their final presentations for one of their college classes, my son-in-law decided to burn the posterboard from his presentation in celebration. He probably lit it while standing on the deck. The situation escalated very quickly, and before you know it, this was happening!

I promise no children were harmed in the creation of this post! But I definitely wouldn’t recommend these crazy escapades to others. The people who live here have been specially trained through a lifetime of redneck rowdiness to tolerate such unwise activity.  Even though every one of these moments would easily qualify as a hold-my-beer stunt, no alcohol was consumed by any of the participants. They act like this without any chemical influences. Rednecks will be rednecks!

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Wishing you a blessed and rowdy 2018!

 

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